Illuminati

(Scene: Snakes and Ladders park. Camera pans across the playground and zooms in on a bush which moves to the left, stopping next to the toilets. Mr. Monopoly climbs out of the bush, which we now know is a disquise, and enters the restroom. The camera then pans across the playground again and focuses on another bush which SpongeBob is clearly seen hiding in)

SpongeBob: (to walkie-talkie) Say nothing if the coast is clear. (we hear someone peeing) Yuck.

Mr. Monopoly: (from the walkie-talkie) Sorry, I had to. Besides, how often do you get to hear the mayor pee?

SpongeBob: (still to the walkie-talkie) (sigh) Nevermind. Anything unusal?

Mr. Monopoly: (still from the walkie-talkie) I think this guy has diarrhea.

SpongeBob: (still to the walkie-talkie) Aren't you supposed to be the mature one?

Mr. Monopoly: (still from the walkie-talkie) Everyone needs to make a pee-poo joke every now and then!

SpongeBob: (to the walkie-talkie) The park. Anything unusual happening in the park?

Mr. Monopoly: (from the walkie-talkie) Is a scone unsusal? (they laugh) Cut it out.

SpongeBob: (to the walkie-talkie) Wait- are you still in the restroom? (cuts to Mr. Monopoly outside the toilets)

Mr. Monopoly: (to the walkie-talkie) I've just left.

SpongeBob: (from the walkie-talkie) There's someone who looks like you near the barbie.

Mr. Monopoly: (to the walkie-talkie) But barbie's only at the weekend!

SpongeBob: (from the walkie-talkie) Intresting. (cut to the barbecue)

Geoff: (handing out a hot dog to a child) Hot Dogs! Come get your fresh hot dogs and burgers here!

Mr. Monopoly: Geoff! I knew it all along.

Geoff: Oh, Mr. Mayor! Would you care to try my hot dogs in my fine buns!

SpongeBob: Yuck.

Geoff: No, not that type of bun.

Mr. Monopoly: We're not gonna fall for your evil scheme!

Geoff: Evil scheme? (laughs) I'm sorry Jeffrey but I've (turns over a leaf) turned over a new leaf. (to child) That'll be 99p. (he's handed a pound)

Child: Keep the change. (leaves)

SpongeBob: We're still not falling for it. (they fold their arms)

Geoff: I'm serious guys!

Patrick: Oh boy, wieners! (rushes to the barbecue)

Mr. Monopoly: Can we tone down these jokes please?

All: Sorry.

Patrick: That wasn't a joke, I just love wien-

Mr. Monopoly: Don't. Even. Say it.

Geoff: (cough) I'll explain. There's this group called the Illuminati and they're fighting crime, fundraising, doing good deeds, etc. They said that if I join, they'll donate a huge amount of money to my election fund.

SpongeBob: I'm sure this is one of those episodes where the villain pretends to turn over a new leaf but it's actually part of his/her evil scheme.

Patrick: I'm confused.

Mr. Monopoly: That's makes sense. We should investigate.

Patrick: But we're not investigators!

SpongeBob: You don't need to be an investigator to investigate nonsense!

Patrick: Oh, I'll get my investigating gear then!

Mr. Monopoly: I thought you weren't an investigator.

Patrick: I'm an alligator!

SpongeBob: Patrick, (sounding like Ming Ming from Wonder Pets) this is serious! (normal) We need the (looking up in pride) maturest of the mature for this investigation.

Patrick: (eating mild cheese) But I'm only mild!

Mr. Monopoly: What we're saying is, you shouldn't tag along for this one.

Patrick: WHAT? I know! I'll make a investigating team which is much better than yours ever will be! (runs off)

Geoff: (sigh) Are you sure you want to waste your time doing this?

Mr. Monopoly: Yes, otherwise this would be a very boring episode.

Geoff: If you must. Most of them are down by the lake hosting a boat race. Here's the flyer. (he hands them a flyer then the scene cuts to the lake)

???: (into microphone) Welcome to Monopolis' first annual boat race organised by the Illuminati and hosted by me: Layla Budee!

Layla: All money raised goes to Gambling Research, saving people from the deadly gamble disease! (the crowd cheers)

Mr. Monopoly: How dare you hold a event like this without MY permission!

Layla: Oh, Mr. Mayor! Welcome! Free pictures! (the crowd rushes over with cameras and take photos of the mayor)

Mr. Monopoly: Very funny, Layla. That is your name, right? I know that the Illuminati is a evil society planning to take over the world! (everyone gasps) Yes, that's right guys! I bet in that very blimp in the sky the leader is watching us closely, ready to fire a cannon at us at any moment. (the blimp in the sky flys away)

Layla: Oh, so you've figured it out. If you call a boat race evil! (they laugh) Now on with the race! First up, we have Colonel Mustard vers-

SpongeBob: Hold up! I've seen this before on TV! You're gonna get everyone on YOUR side and then at the last minute, betray us!

Layla: Oh really? Archie, Gus. Kick them out! (two muscular guys drop kick SpongeBob into the lake and are just about to do it to Mr. Monopoly when they stop)

Gus: Umm... Because your mayor... we'll escort you out. (they walk him out)

Kenny: Free cheers for Layla! Hip hip...

All: Hooray!

Kenny: Hip hip...

All: Hooray!

Kenny: Hip hip...

All: Hooray!

Kenny: One last time! Hip hip!

All: (as the scene cuts to Mr. Monopoly waiting at the lake for SpongeBob to come out) Hooray!

SpongeBob: (coming out from the lake) We need to try harder to reveal the truth to everyone.

Mr. Monopoly: We can't just jump to conclusions like that!

SpongeBob: I'm not: I read the script!

Mr. Monopoly: We all did. But away from that terrible fourth wall breaking, we should stop trying to reveal something that isn't they're. It's like fixing a wall that IS fixed!

SpongeBob: But the fourth wall's broken...

Mr. Monopoly: I'M TALKING ABOUT THE FIFTH WALL! (deep breath) I'm sorry. The point is, we should just give up. (leaves)

SpongeBob: But Mr. Mayor! Wait! (sigh) He's gone now. I guess he's right. We should really fix the fourth wall though.

(Scene: Illuminati Lair)

Loom: Yes! The investigators have given up! That means the world is soon to be ours!

Bill: Not exactly, Loom. There's another world and I've been there.

Loom: Shut up, Cipher. I know what I'm doing. (look through telescope) Everything going to plan... (alarm goes off as Ill and Nati rush in)

Ill: Boss! Another of the mayor's pals has got into the ship!

Nati: He got caught on the hook bringing the citizen up!

Loom: Ill, Nati. Be quiet. The more the merrier I say. We can turn them BOTH into minions. One called I and the other...

Patrick: (entering) Full stop!

Loom: Ah thank you. Now if you would just step into this machine. (Nati escorts him into the minion machine)

Patrick: Ooh, shiny. It looks like a P-

Ill: (Kenny enters) Pom! It's the other citizen.

Loom: It's Loom!

Kenny: Loomband! Help me!

Nati: Zip it, Barbie doll.

Bill: Sir, the ship is going to explode very very soon!

Loom: How can you tell?

Bill: I know lots of things. LOT OF TH-

Patrick: I wonder what this button does! (presses a button causes the screen to go black) AHH! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO THAT POOR CUP? AAAH! AAAH! (the lights turn back on) Phew. I wonder what THIS button does!

All: No!

Machine: Self destruct sequence. Why does everyone always make a self destruct button? Oh, this has taken up the five seconds I'm supposed to count. Well then, (singing) We'll meet agai... (ship explodes and lands in the lake)

Patrick: (pointing at Ill who is hugging Loom because he is scared) Ha! Gay!

Loom: One is not amused. Well, atleast Bill's cage isn't broke.

Bill: (sigh) I have no idea how we're floating but hey- cartoon logic!

SpongeBob: (looking at them in the lake) Hey! Is that the-

Nati: Yes! We're the Illuminati and we're going to take over the world!

All: Nati...

Nati: Oops.

Ill: We should be going.

Bill: Yeah.

Ill: Come on, then! (they swim away as Patrick swims to SpongeBob)

SpongeBob: Patrick, I shouldn't have doubted you.

Patrick: Drowned me in what? (Layla approaches them)

Layla: I see you have discovered our secret. But nobody else knows do they? For now you may have ruined our plans, but we'll be back. And look at all the money we have now! (leaves as Geoff approaches)

Patrick: Hey look, it's Donald Trump!

Geoff: You had a wiener, didn't you?

Patrick: Starfishes don't have wieners.

Geoff: I mean the sausages. Did you have one?

Patrick: Yes.

SpongeBob: I knew it! They were a trap!

Geoff: A trap? (laughs evilly ending the episode)